All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
