I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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