i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
