Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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