Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
