i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
