yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
