I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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