she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
