You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
