It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
