i think my tv is drunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
