I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
