My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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