he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
