I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
