I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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