Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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