she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
