I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
