Pants 0. Shit 1.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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