i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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