I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
