how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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