There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
