my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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