M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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