smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
