found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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