I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
