every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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