Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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