Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
