We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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