im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i barfeds in our rink
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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