At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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