YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
