I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
