A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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