when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
