everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
