im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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