I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
