Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
