It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
