I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize