went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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