apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
