Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
