I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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