girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
