Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize