Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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