i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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