How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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