i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
