So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
