Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He felt like a one man threesome
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
