I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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