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i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
